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Years ago, I took a personal assessment that would help me understand better how I was wired as individual and how I best worked in teams. Part of the results came with a phrase that I was primarily a let’s go builder and then a let’s go together second. This comes along with being much of a visionary with a passion for strategy, but I desire to see everyone win and for us to move forward together. This can be hard for us sometimes as leaders or people with great drive and with tons of vision, usually
emerging in one or more project at a time.
However, I am finding as I mature over time and experience, that having the patience to slow down at times and truly listen to others in the room helps me as a visionary get us all where we need to go on time and without unnecessary setbacks. We as leaders and team players need to recognize the different gifts in the room, the different wirings each has, not as liabilities, but as assets to our team. Every person has a role and we should value the contribution each has to make.
Overall, I believe in this world we have a desire to be seen and to be heard. Many times this does not come out in a healthy way, for example with competition or pride or jealously, even in the business setting. As leaders we can set the culture, even when leading from alongside others and not at the front. This can be done with how we carry ourselves and what, how, and when we contribute to team settings or one-on-one conversations.
So what does it look like to truly listen to understand with what is going on in a conversation or in a business meeting and then know what and how to best contribute? I want to try to give 5 points to help us be better listeners and contributors to catalyze positive impact in our conversations and meetings.
1. Listen longer
Unfortunately, at times even with active listening postures to show we are engaged while we are listening, we can find ourselves just waiting for a break in the conversation to get our point across. There is also a potential that we are thinking about something someone said five minutes ago with a canned response, and we really have not been present for the rest of the conversation that has moved into a totally different direction. I find that this can be both in business and personal settings.
Listening longer means we are not preparing responses before someone has finished their points of view or message. It means we are not thinking about how we are going to respond before they are finished. I find that as we listen longer we can have greater understanding by the end of how we can best contribute and build off what was just shared.
2. Listen kindly and intently
I group these two together because we can listen intently and be fully engaged just to blast or correct in a negative way what was just said. For us to catalyze positive impact in our meetings and conversations we need to be kind in our listening meaning not over reacting or responding immediately out of negative emotions but allowing there to be ample time to keep listening and then reply with good understanding of the overall message that was shared. By doing this we can help avoid not just camping on one point that struck something the wrong way or in a place we have a difference of opinion that we want to correct.
3. Find the gold first
As I mentioned earlier in building team with different gifts and roles, or even working with other companies, we need to be listening to understand in order to find the good things that are emerging from this conversation. Ask ourselves, what can we build with or add to or affirm first? Starting with affirmation of the other person will bring defenses down, not to take advantage of them and then correct them harshly, but to build together and demonstrate we are trying to be on the same team or have both parties win in any setting.
4. Bring your value added to the meeting or conversation
After being patient and kind while fully listening we should then have better understanding of what we can contribute positively at this time. Sometimes we can cut off a conversation too quickly to add a point out of our excitement or desired to be seen or heard, and we actually miss the proper timing for such an addition. Maybe that point would be better later in a meeting or even another week in time because timely positive contributions increase the value for both the hearers and speakers.
The longer we can wait and listen, we will learn what our best value added contribution is. As a result, we bring more long term positive impact. Welcoming open discussions where each others voices are heard will allow us to benefit from one another and create synergy. It is important we create a culture of listening to understand one another and the objective at hand.
5. Offer Instruction not just Correction
Many people can shut down instruction if it is felt like correction or comes heavy handed in our tone of emotions. They may feel their voice or contribution is not being heard or valued. Let’s face it, sometimes people are intentionally just mean. That doesn’t mean we need to be feared to be heard or valued. At the end of conversations or your turns of speaking, after trying to affirm the gold, and add value from your point of view, try offering instruction versus correction. This may look like saying something in line with, “I understand you think xyz, but have you thought about trying, or doing, or thinking about this from a different angle?”
Giving an invitation to change their way of thinking or broaden it, will one keep their defenses down as they are not feeling attacked by correction, but also in the long term help them grow as a leader, or team member, and even as a person. Another helpful thing to remind ourselves is that if you are not the decision maker in the room we need to best understand and know our role as an assister or researcher to aid leadership in their decisions.
So to recap, in order to catalyze positive impact as a leader or team player who listens to understand, begin to grow in doing these 5 things:
1. Listen Longer
2. Listen Kindly and Intently
3. Find the gold first
4. Value added contribution
5. Offer Instruction not just correction
Let's put these principles into action! Here are some steps you could take:
· Find an opportunity to actively listen without interruption in your next meeting or conversation. Focus on understanding the other person's perspective.
· Practice listening with kindness and an open mind. Try to see the value in what the other person is saying, even if you initially disagree.
· When you do speak, focus on adding constructive suggestions that build on the previous points. Avoid blunt corrections unless absolutely necessary.
· Offer suggestions in a polite and respectful manner. Frame them as possibilities rather than demands.
· If you need to provide criticism, balance it with affirmations for the parts you agree with. Then suggest a different approach in a respectful way.
By practicing these habits, you'll start making positive changes that improve team communication and build trust. Don't expect immediate changes - these skills develop over time with consistent effort. If you do these in increasing measure, I hope you find yourself to becoming a better person, leader, and team player. I'm confident that with patience and perseverance, you'll start catalyzing positive impact through your listening and speaking.
Feel free to comment below on your findings in these areas and experience of how to be a team player!
